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| 10 Biggest Mistakes Wedding Guests Make |
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your seating chart to giving the caterer a final headcount, it's hard to proceed without a firm grasp of who's
coming. Unfortunately, some of your guests may treat the RSVP as a novelty rather than a necessity.
How to deal: Give it a week. After that, it's time to give them a call. Recruit your maid of honor to help you with
phone duties if you're really struggling with missing RSVPs. Or, better yet, send out a group email (use a blind
CC) saying that you need to know by [insert deadline] if they're planning on attending. Keep the tone nice, but
firm. Then, you only have to call those who don't reply to the email (which really is a double-duty foul).
Stop the cycle: Make the reply-by-date as early as possible, say two weeks from the date you intend to mail the
invitations. That way, when your guests see that the deadline is quickly approaching, they'll (hopefully) stick the
reply card in the mail right then and there.
2. Sending RSVPs With Extra Guests
What they did: The good news is that the guest has returned the RSVP. The bad news is that she'd love to
attend. . .with a person you never invited -- maybe never heard of. Whether she believes every invite bestows
How to deal: To avoid potential hurt feelings, you need to establish a no-exceptions guest list policy (significant
others only if engaged; no children under 18). Then, call the misguided guest to explain the circumstances.
Apologize for the misunderstanding, and tell her that unfortunately the limitations (a small reception space or a
tight budget) require a strict guest list. The person most likely didn't intend to thwart your list with the addition of
another guest, and will gladly come to the wedding solo.
Stop the cycle: Tell your parents, wedding party, and other close relatives and friends, so that they can spread
unless they really are all invited). The earlier that a guest knows who's actually invited, the less painful the
conversation will be.
3. Bombarding the Bride
What they did: As soon as they received the invite to your wedding, the phone calls began. Guests are treating
you like their personal concierge, with questions about transportation, accommodations, and fun things to do
while they're in town.
How to deal: Make sure every guest has all the info they need by creating a wedding website. Include a link to
the hotel where you've reserved a block of rooms, local museums and restaurants, and driving directions. Put
together a welcome basket for out-of-towners with the weekend's itinerary, so that no one feels the need to ask
you about the wedding game plan.
Stop the cycle: Some technophobes might still pester you with questions. Go over the guest list with both sets
of parents, and decide which key invitees, if any, are not likely to check your website. Print out a copy of the info
listed on the site and mail it to them.
4. Buying a Non-registry Gift
What they did: Some guests feel that buying a present from the registry is impersonal. Instead, they go and
purchase a gift with a little more -- er, imagination.
How to deal: Shopping off the registry can result in a pleasant surprise, or leave a couple cringing. You cannot,
however, be anything but gracious for any gift you're given. While they're typically expected, wedding gifts are
technically not required from a guest. If someone has eschewed the registry and bought you a present you know
you won't use (or, even worse, they've given you a gift you know you'll have to hide), check whether they sent it
with the receipt. If so, they may have realized their gift might not be your style, and it's fine to return the present.
Otherwise, write a thank-you note for the thoughtful gesture, and keep the gift for as long as you can stand
having it around.
Stop the cycle: Register at an off-the-beaten path store that offers unique gift options like a local museum
shop or a boutique home store. That way, the guest can get you something a bit more personal that you actually
love.
5. Showing Up Late
What they did: You know how some people show up late to movies because they know there will be 20 minutes
of trailers? Some guests may have a similar notion for your ceremony. We know one maid of honor who saw a
late guest stroll in directly behind the bride as she walked down the aisle with her father!
How to deal: For those who are really late, ask an usher or your day-of coordinator to hang out near the rear
of the ceremony site so they can make sure your processional goes undisturbed, and to have them help any
late guest quickly and quietly find a seat.
Stop the cycle: Give yourself a slight buffer for your friends and family who are never quite on time. If your
invites say the ceremony begins at 5:30 p.m., plan on walking down the aisle about 15 minutes after that.
6. Bringing a Big, Heavy Gift
What they did: It doesn't sound so bad: Someone brought a huge gift to the wedding. While you really can't
complain about receiving presents at your reception -- or, at all for that matter -- it can be a pain to lug them
home.
How to deal: Ask one of your attendants to store all the gifts in one place -- preferably a locked, separate room
in your reception space -- so that nothing gets left behind. At the end of the evening, that attendant can account
for all the gifts and then take them to the most convenient location (probably your home rather than your
honeymoon suite).
Stop the cycle: Online registries have made it easier than ever to send gifts wherever you want. Promote this
gifting tool by including links to your online registries on your website.
7. Giving Unexpected Toasts
What they did: Weddings can be emotional events, and the toasts are an opportunity for your closest friends
and family to share sentiments with the rest of your guests. Those same emotions (and maybe too much
alcohol) can do funny things to any otherwise reliable guest, and some may feel compelled to grab the mic when
they weren't asked to toast. Embarrassing stories, offensive anecdotes, and rambling rants have all worked their
way into wedding toasts.
How to deal: Unfortunately, you need to just grin and bear it. If the toast seems like it will never end, have the
best man signal the band or DJ to carefully cut in. The other guests will appreciate the gesture too.
Stop the cycle: Head off unexpected toasts by making sure the emcee of the evening (your DJ or bandleader)
has a list of approved toasters. Tell them not to give the mic to anyone who's not scheduled to speak, no matter
how persistent their plea for the microphone.
8. Requesting Songs
What they did: You've worked with your band or DJ to put together the perfect soundtrack for your evening. All
of a sudden, your ambience is interrupted by the sounds of "Y.M.C.A." and it seems that your Aunt Margie is
behind it.
How to deal: Requests from your guests may be inevitable, and if your band or DJ thinks it's appropriate for the
atmosphere, they might give requested songs a play. And it might be okay -- you can't control everything about
your wedding or reception. But if you're still fuming from the faux pas, talk to the bandleader or DJ immediately
afterward and tell them that you would prefer to avoid group dance songs like the "Y.M.C.A.," or any requests for
that matter.
Stop the cycle: To avoid any playlist pitfalls, give your band or DJ a list of songs that you absolutely don't want
to hear at the reception. If you're worried your strictly-Motown playlist will be disrupted by someone's insistence
on hearing his favorite Bon Jovi tune, it's okay to let your band or DJ know that guests' song requests should be
politely declined.
9. Drinking Too Much
What they did: A few too many signature cocktails turned one of your guests from the life of the party into a bit of
a mess.
How to deal: While it's not your responsibility to babysit your guests, you can't turn a blind eye to someone
who's had way too much to drink. If there's any risk that the guest will try to drive, ask your planner, a
responsible attendant, friend, or family member to call a cab, and to make sure they take the ride. It's not much
fun to send someone home early, but making sure everyone gets home safely is incredibly important.
Stop the cycle: You can't limit the number of drinks each guest consumes, but you can grant the bartender
permission to cut off anyone that's has had one too many. Other than that, make sure there's plenty of water on
the tables and enough delicious edibles to satiate any guest -- big drinker or not.
10. Crashing Your Wedding
What they did: In the middle of your perfect party, you notice a few unfamiliar faces in the crowd, and wonder,
"Who invited them?" Your wedding has been crashed.
How to deal: Don't freak out! With tasty food, fun music, and free drinks, it's no wonder some fun-loving people
might want to get in on the action. If you spot a crasher, have the site manager or one of your attendants
discreetly escort them out.
Stop the cycle: If you're marrying at a hotel or club that hosts multiple parties in one night, there might be
wedding wanderers. Unless you hire a security guard (which is a bit extreme), there's no way to prevent it. If
you're really worried, tell the catering manager (and the waitstaff) to keep an eye out for possible crashers.
coming. Unfortunately, some of your guests may treat the RSVP as a novelty rather than a necessity.
How to deal: Give it a week. After that, it's time to give them a call. Recruit your maid of honor to help you with
phone duties if you're really struggling with missing RSVPs. Or, better yet, send out a group email (use a blind
CC) saying that you need to know by [insert deadline] if they're planning on attending. Keep the tone nice, but
firm. Then, you only have to call those who don't reply to the email (which really is a double-duty foul).
Stop the cycle: Make the reply-by-date as early as possible, say two weeks from the date you intend to mail the
invitations. That way, when your guests see that the deadline is quickly approaching, they'll (hopefully) stick the
reply card in the mail right then and there.
2. Sending RSVPs With Extra Guests
What they did: The good news is that the guest has returned the RSVP. The bad news is that she'd love to
attend. . .with a person you never invited -- maybe never heard of. Whether she believes every invite bestows
How to deal: To avoid potential hurt feelings, you need to establish a no-exceptions guest list policy (significant
others only if engaged; no children under 18). Then, call the misguided guest to explain the circumstances.
Apologize for the misunderstanding, and tell her that unfortunately the limitations (a small reception space or a
tight budget) require a strict guest list. The person most likely didn't intend to thwart your list with the addition of
another guest, and will gladly come to the wedding solo.
Stop the cycle: Tell your parents, wedding party, and other close relatives and friends, so that they can spread
unless they really are all invited). The earlier that a guest knows who's actually invited, the less painful the
conversation will be.
3. Bombarding the Bride
What they did: As soon as they received the invite to your wedding, the phone calls began. Guests are treating
you like their personal concierge, with questions about transportation, accommodations, and fun things to do
while they're in town.
How to deal: Make sure every guest has all the info they need by creating a wedding website. Include a link to
the hotel where you've reserved a block of rooms, local museums and restaurants, and driving directions. Put
together a welcome basket for out-of-towners with the weekend's itinerary, so that no one feels the need to ask
you about the wedding game plan.
Stop the cycle: Some technophobes might still pester you with questions. Go over the guest list with both sets
of parents, and decide which key invitees, if any, are not likely to check your website. Print out a copy of the info
listed on the site and mail it to them.
4. Buying a Non-registry Gift
What they did: Some guests feel that buying a present from the registry is impersonal. Instead, they go and
purchase a gift with a little more -- er, imagination.
How to deal: Shopping off the registry can result in a pleasant surprise, or leave a couple cringing. You cannot,
however, be anything but gracious for any gift you're given. While they're typically expected, wedding gifts are
technically not required from a guest. If someone has eschewed the registry and bought you a present you know
you won't use (or, even worse, they've given you a gift you know you'll have to hide), check whether they sent it
with the receipt. If so, they may have realized their gift might not be your style, and it's fine to return the present.
Otherwise, write a thank-you note for the thoughtful gesture, and keep the gift for as long as you can stand
having it around.
Stop the cycle: Register at an off-the-beaten path store that offers unique gift options like a local museum
shop or a boutique home store. That way, the guest can get you something a bit more personal that you actually
love.
5. Showing Up Late
What they did: You know how some people show up late to movies because they know there will be 20 minutes
of trailers? Some guests may have a similar notion for your ceremony. We know one maid of honor who saw a
late guest stroll in directly behind the bride as she walked down the aisle with her father!
How to deal: For those who are really late, ask an usher or your day-of coordinator to hang out near the rear
of the ceremony site so they can make sure your processional goes undisturbed, and to have them help any
late guest quickly and quietly find a seat.
Stop the cycle: Give yourself a slight buffer for your friends and family who are never quite on time. If your
invites say the ceremony begins at 5:30 p.m., plan on walking down the aisle about 15 minutes after that.
6. Bringing a Big, Heavy Gift
What they did: It doesn't sound so bad: Someone brought a huge gift to the wedding. While you really can't
complain about receiving presents at your reception -- or, at all for that matter -- it can be a pain to lug them
home.
How to deal: Ask one of your attendants to store all the gifts in one place -- preferably a locked, separate room
in your reception space -- so that nothing gets left behind. At the end of the evening, that attendant can account
for all the gifts and then take them to the most convenient location (probably your home rather than your
honeymoon suite).
Stop the cycle: Online registries have made it easier than ever to send gifts wherever you want. Promote this
gifting tool by including links to your online registries on your website.
7. Giving Unexpected Toasts
What they did: Weddings can be emotional events, and the toasts are an opportunity for your closest friends
and family to share sentiments with the rest of your guests. Those same emotions (and maybe too much
alcohol) can do funny things to any otherwise reliable guest, and some may feel compelled to grab the mic when
they weren't asked to toast. Embarrassing stories, offensive anecdotes, and rambling rants have all worked their
way into wedding toasts.
How to deal: Unfortunately, you need to just grin and bear it. If the toast seems like it will never end, have the
best man signal the band or DJ to carefully cut in. The other guests will appreciate the gesture too.
Stop the cycle: Head off unexpected toasts by making sure the emcee of the evening (your DJ or bandleader)
has a list of approved toasters. Tell them not to give the mic to anyone who's not scheduled to speak, no matter
how persistent their plea for the microphone.
8. Requesting Songs
What they did: You've worked with your band or DJ to put together the perfect soundtrack for your evening. All
of a sudden, your ambience is interrupted by the sounds of "Y.M.C.A." and it seems that your Aunt Margie is
behind it.
How to deal: Requests from your guests may be inevitable, and if your band or DJ thinks it's appropriate for the
atmosphere, they might give requested songs a play. And it might be okay -- you can't control everything about
your wedding or reception. But if you're still fuming from the faux pas, talk to the bandleader or DJ immediately
afterward and tell them that you would prefer to avoid group dance songs like the "Y.M.C.A.," or any requests for
that matter.
Stop the cycle: To avoid any playlist pitfalls, give your band or DJ a list of songs that you absolutely don't want
to hear at the reception. If you're worried your strictly-Motown playlist will be disrupted by someone's insistence
on hearing his favorite Bon Jovi tune, it's okay to let your band or DJ know that guests' song requests should be
politely declined.
9. Drinking Too Much
What they did: A few too many signature cocktails turned one of your guests from the life of the party into a bit of
a mess.
How to deal: While it's not your responsibility to babysit your guests, you can't turn a blind eye to someone
who's had way too much to drink. If there's any risk that the guest will try to drive, ask your planner, a
responsible attendant, friend, or family member to call a cab, and to make sure they take the ride. It's not much
fun to send someone home early, but making sure everyone gets home safely is incredibly important.
Stop the cycle: You can't limit the number of drinks each guest consumes, but you can grant the bartender
permission to cut off anyone that's has had one too many. Other than that, make sure there's plenty of water on
the tables and enough delicious edibles to satiate any guest -- big drinker or not.
10. Crashing Your Wedding
What they did: In the middle of your perfect party, you notice a few unfamiliar faces in the crowd, and wonder,
"Who invited them?" Your wedding has been crashed.
How to deal: Don't freak out! With tasty food, fun music, and free drinks, it's no wonder some fun-loving people
might want to get in on the action. If you spot a crasher, have the site manager or one of your attendants
discreetly escort them out.
Stop the cycle: If you're marrying at a hotel or club that hosts multiple parties in one night, there might be
wedding wanderers. Unless you hire a security guard (which is a bit extreme), there's no way to prevent it. If
you're really worried, tell the catering manager (and the waitstaff) to keep an eye out for possible crashers.